behind your brown eyes

behind your brown eyes

Each night you would cover yourself up,
Under the covers and roll to your side.
The darkness cradled you into your dreams.
Singing you lullabies you subconsciously heard.
You waved goodbye to the teddy bear with one eye
And the stillness of the night that signaled reality.

What grows beneath the rocks and tree roots,
Of the dark brown eyes you hide behind?
I want to know, for once, for always.
To grasp onto something genuine inside you,
Cuts form onto my hands from your jagged soul.

But I know that’s not the only thing there.
I saw your happiness sparkle in you that day.
You held onto it and examined it longer then.
Deciding whether it was reliable, you tested it.
Too far gone you went and it broke you.
Like you always thought it would.

I am sure, though, that you are wrong.
Happiness isn’t static like the rocks you store away,
Filling up the spaces until there isn’t any left.
It transcends everything and moves in and out.
Spreading light for every single one of us,
As we wake from the darkness that deceives us.

a near-perfect hiking day

a near-perfect hiking day

It was really fulfilling to be out hiking in the sun. The wind was a nice breeze and there were a few surprises we didn’t anticipate for. For one, we saw several turtles just soaking up the warm air. There were also a couple of horses nearby and the tree flowers are blooming a bit. We even encountered a whole new route we didn’t even know existed. The hiking experience will certainly change when more foliage cover up more of the paths, but for now, I am grateful and comfortable. It makes me consider more of myself as a Spring person.

There were a few changes from my take a walk with me post of my visit last year. The water has actually come back and more than I’ve ever seen it! We also saw lots of poor fish floating above water. I researched a bit about it and it seems their deaths are due to the temperature changes from the recent weather patterns. It makes me so sad to have seen this. It also made me really cherish all the little creatures I saw, including a stoic frog, a few quiet ducks, chatty geese, running squirrels and cute tiny birds. The day was certainly energetic and lively. Everyone we passed seemed truly happy to just be in nature.

Here are some photographs from the day:

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mother goddess

mother goddess

She created this garden with us in mind,
Enriching the soil with nutrients.
Sowing the seeds of our nourishment,
Spreading it all across the open land.
Creatures with beautiful chirps and peeps,
Found a home on the tops of tree branches.
The sky full of vibrant colors for us to absorb.
Day and night, early morning, late afternoon,
This mother goddess tends to our needs.
As greedy children with an appetite we spoil.
We take and take without any thanks giving at all.
Until today, Earth Day, to remember her.
For without her, we are nothing. We are not safe & healthy.
We must follow her lead and give as she has.
Let our home grow with nutrients and nourishment again.

happy earth day.

green tip #13 |celebrate mother earth

green tip #13 |celebrate mother earth

I was taught that the way of progress was neither swift nor easy. – Marie Curie

Earth should be celebrated everyday and Earth Day is a nice reminder to treat our world with respect, kindness, understanding and a bazillion hugs and smiles. I want to admire it longingly, gazing up in the sky when the sun sets and the skies are filled with indescribable colors of love. I wish I had more to give as it has given a lot to me.

And I can give more, all the time. Giving back and continuing the cycle of life is how we can all function together when our resources and ourselves can unify. To continue changing and evolving for the better takes time. It takes a lot of effort and cannot be done in one day. Just try one thing. I remember when I was first inspired to have a more eco-friendly lifestyle. I was overwhelmed. There seemed to be so much I should have been doing and it felt really difficult. But I decided to try one thing. Then I tried another thing. And I’m still trying new things and methods to lessen my carbon footprint, to lessen my dependence on plastic and to be realistic about stuff; past the superficial happiness that quickly fade. Consuming things just isn’t the same anymore—buying, eating and etc. I’m not perfect at all. I am just beginning. Each day is a learning day. I think essentially, it’s just taking an extra step and thinking, “how will I recycle (dispose, reuse, compost) this when my use of it is over?” Here are some ideas for you to try your one thing: Earth Day Website and tinycaravan’s list of ideas.

Here are some more:

  • Plant some flowers or trees. Sunflowers are bee-friendly and we need more of these little friends!
  • Go for a hike somewhere and appreciate all the beauty you see.
  • Do something that requires no electricity, no carbon, no plastic or all three!
  • Show love by creating art of nature–paint, draw, write poetry, etc.

One of the many positives of living a more eco-friendly lifestyle is that the experiences are more worthwhile. The happiness is deeper because they aren’t motivated or supported by money, by recognition or society’s standards. They’re meaningful in ways that touch my soul like walking in nature. To really challenge myself in looking at what I use and own in a completely different way. To appreciate the little things. To have more memories.

Here are some of mine:

happy earth day.

green tip #12 | food & packaging| Recycling stations, Terracycle & donating

green tip #12 | food & packaging| Recycling stations, Terracycle & donating

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something regarding sustainability; although, it’s something I think about all the time. For a few updates, I would say I’ve improved on being eco-friendly with gift giving and recycling. It’s becoming more second nature for me to give gifts that are either experience (gift certificates, museum passes) or something that is handmade or fair trade. I have also cut down giving cards, as well. Since there are many more stores now that are jumping onto being more green, sustainable gifts are easier to get. With recycling, I make sure to check on the material if it’s recyclable before throwing packaging away. I’ve always had this in mind, but I think it’s become much easier for me now.

A few suggestions:

  • Check out your local grocery stores. They may be able to recycle your extra plastic bags.
  • Look into what your local recycling center will take. They may recycle more items than what you currently think.
  • Electronic stores may also have recycle stations for old cell phones, ink cartridges, computer parts and light bulbs.
  • Remember that donating to goodwill or thrift stores or to friends/family members are options if you have an item you want to dispose of. Please don’t put in the trash if you have other options. (I’ve received and given items (including food) to friends/family and they’re always appreciative as I am since it’s a win-win for everyone.)

I also recently researched a company I heard of for a while called Terracycle. I was always frustrated about how chip bags, pens and teeth cleaning products weren’t recyclable. Luckily, they do! They recycle all sorts of things, too, and partner with brand name companies to make sure the packaging goes back into use. I also like that for every item you recycle, they give some monetary donation to a charity of your choice. I’m not sure of specifics, but if you look into their website, it seems like a good way for organizations and schools to jump on (and obviously individuals, too.) So save those snack bags and inkless pens and get recycling!

Another thing to think about is to look into your pantry. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but really go through the cans & boxes of food you have and the fridge because before you know it, time will fly and the food you were planning on using may need to be thrown out. To save the food (and carbon emissions from landfills), buy what you can realistically use before it expires. This is an area in which I have improved greatly, but would like to be better at as well.

A few suggestions:

  • Donate the food if you know you can’t get to it. Give to friends/family or shelter or other community organization that accepts.
  • If you need to use up a particular item, I like to search online for easy recipes. You’d be surprised of the cool dishes or snacks you’re able to make.
  • Meal plan (I loosely do this and I’m more better at for some weeks than others, but it does reduce food waste).
  • Check the expiration dates before you buy the food item and make sure it’s something you really can use within that time.
  • Buying bulk may save money, but be realistic with portions and cravings. Is it something you will be happy to eat again and again for future months?
unlikely friends // a stop motion film

unlikely friends // a stop motion film

This film is composed of 33 individual photographs to create the stop motion effect. There are 2 additional ones at the end. This was a first attempt at stop motion film.

I’ve always wanted to try. I gathered these photographs earlier this week and finally had time and motivation to put it together last night. I would like to make more of these films, but I know it involves a lot of patience, balance and time.

It’s really short, too. I learned that it takes a lot of very small movements of photographs to create a smoother film. I hope you enjoy.

our time & our love

our time & our love

To pursue something more than what limits you. To go beyond the normal tendencies of our emotions. We feel this echo of ourselves that we’ve grown from into another person, renewed or broken down. Our beings are constantly changing. All the time. I walked into this beloved bookstore I used to go to. I love the ins and outs of each aisle; passing by gems of information. A new recipe here and a photograph there. I picked up a children’s book I never read before. The lines of the illustrations; the amusing story and the takeaway at the end. Life is not simple. We don’t live in dreams or fantasies. But that doesn’t mean there is no fun. There is and can be and ought to be. That’s what little happy surprises do to us. Like seeing the sunsets we weren’t planning on seeing. Hearing a child laugh or feeling a warm breeze in the summer night.

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One book I encountered was about a Taiwanese artist named Tehching Hsieh. He had devoted several years to art performance and if you research more, there’s this intriguing fluid message about time that will wash upon you. At least for me. What is our time? What do you think of time and how do you use it? The art of being human coalesce into the continuing calculation of time is what Hsieh subjects himself into.

To me, in my philosophy of my whole life’s work I would say that life is a life sentence. Life is passing time. Life is free thinking.

– Tehching Hsieh

So when one does their day to day routine, I wonder what it is they are trying to achieve? Is there anything to achieve? An ongoing message is that our time is our decision. In terms of a metaphorical way of speaking and our actions, we commit because we want to. We are in motion as by what our name is, by what our jobs are, by what we stand for in terms of someone else; our familes, our friends, ourselves.

This is just to give you something to think about as it has me. Black and white only exist in films and even then there are sometimes mysterious fades and lines of color. They sneak in only after we see the film develop and there is no way in erasing. Or to go back to what it used to be. I am not telling you how to live as you do not others. Even when there is a speech of command, there is no guarantee of rules. No guarantee of what bounds us if we don’t bound ourselves.

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And then I see this quote from the actor Chris Evans about love and ex-lovers. “If you’re ever fortunate enough to love someone and have them love you back, it’s worth protecting that. It’s rare that someone can truly know you.” Truly knowing is rare. To be intimate with someone. To share secrets no one else knows or to have memories no one else have. It’s special. Sometimes it’s so heartbreaking and sometimes it’s so heartwarming. It’s funny and whimsical and silly to think of what we used to be as kids and what we used to think were true. We have to value these things. Value the time that was used to make these kinds of memories. Value the love you had because it was a true one.

I suppose this entry submits a little part of what I think. A mixture of ideas and reflections that aren’t easy to say in one breathe. They aren’t as straightforward or clean, but they mean something to me. They mean a lot.

trust

trust

I’ve been having some issues with WP and seeing my reader or doing anything for that matter. I hope the little kinks work themselves out. I somehow navigated around the whole thing, although, still unable to read other blogs. Felt inspired to write for a couple of days, but then when I log in here, I have issues. So I refuse to leave without posting something.

belief in anything involves trust. it involves vulnerability. belief has a mixture of fact, a mixture of hope and a mixture of spirit. sometimes trust comes so easily because of something silly like appearance or superficial values. it’ll be given when there’s enough time for bonding and involvement and love shared among individuals. trust is natural. trust is a kind of truth we rely on, so we know we’re not alone. it allows us to have faith in something other than ourselves or more than ourselves. but we never know for certain if we’re right. but that’s okay. because it’s happening all the time. the time is now. the location is here. trust, along with many other entities, is what makes us human. can you see it? no, not really. can you draw it? no, not really, maybe a symbol of it. but you can feel it. below are a few photographs i’ve gathered that will probably make you stop and look at it. think about it. making you have thoughts and reflections that you can’t see, but you can feel. can you trust how you feel?

trust (a poem I originally published in 2013)

at the end of our days
and we all will have
there will be many moments of clarity.

what will you trust then?
if only you have this time to live?

the things you misunderstood
will be nothing.
the memories you make
will be something.
the name you have
will be the only thing

there is much distrust in our world today
which breeds such
unpleasant and unproductive qualities of man.

trust that there are those
who will love you forever
for nothing more than love itself.

trust that there are strangers
who will do more than
those who know you sometimes

trust that there will be
a light in you to guide you
to wherever you need to go

the worst mistrust of all
is the one with yourself.
so trust

trust will open
anything you want

trust creates strength and stability
in anything you want to create.

these are some of the things i’m learning
there are some of the things i’d like you to learn
I trust you understand my messages.

don’t hold back

don’t hold back

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While listening to James Bay sing, I think of a flurry of images of me in the car as the sun shines on my arm and wind on my face and I can feel summer all over me. I then panic and wonder where my summer’s gone…. only to remember that it hasn’t even come yet. Thank goodness. I anticipate some new adventures this summer. And with this in mind, I hope you are too. I hope that you don’t hold back. I randomly remember this acting exercise. My teacher wanted us to give a speech in class about feelings. First, feel love. Manifest the feeling you get when you are with someone you love. Not the family kind, but the romantic kind. He said he could tell if we lied; if we tried acting rather than being. It was hard. But I understand now. It’s not about holding yourself back to what you know is true. Because then you’ll be acting, rather than being..

i miss you so much

i miss you so much

img_6147Lately, I find myself,
Thinking of you.
The thoughts bring
Indescribable feelings.
Sadness, permanence.
Close to three years,
Can’t believe you’re still gone.
Can’t believe it’s been so long.
We weren’t close like before
In the earlier days,
But you represent(ed)
Much in my life.
You were present,
For most of my life.
Never in the forefront,
But always attached.
Goes to show quality
Over quantity
Always wins.
That moments last long
Beyond any biological,
Physical presence,
Beyond the skies.

rest in peace a.q.

a little bit of everything

a little bit of everything

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life trickles down pebbles
fallen from the hard places
we break ourselves out of.

a little bit of everything,
scatters the ground,
unevenly fitting into place.

these pebbles,

creating roads to journeys,
building homes we live in.
pieces of our own identities.

these pebbles,

i never know what to think,
what i’ll see or who i’ll meet.
but the destination is only half

of what we were meant to experience.

 

i’ve been sort of scattered lately, but not really messy though. scattered in a more organized way. needed to get some creative juices out there to really get into writing something solid and important. i wish my blog had more variety like it used to. i have ideas, but little time to produce how i want to. i’ve been feeling all sorts of inspiration to do art, to go on hikes, to travel, to be careful and to be carefree. a little bit of everything is creeping into the little spaces of time i have and it’s wonderful and stressful. i know it’s all a part of this amazing journey. i know it’s something i want to remember. because it is so good, so life-altering, so life.

i am here

i am here

something is wrong,
i see your deeply felt eyes
and we speak soulfully.
you look away and i hear
your sadness, tears fall.
my heart outlines itself,
i can feel it so strongly.
the lines tighten up
and it breaks for you.

how do you console,
comfort and relieve,
when a life is gone?
what words to say
when none at all…
comes to mind?
taken and given,
breathes we make our own.
alone, solely,
do we reason at all?

i love you.
i care.
i am here.
i want to be.
everything will be okay.