There is this strong odor we carry.
We reek of this chemical reaction
Of human competition & validation.
Seeking alternatives to internal
We wear protective armor instead.
Built to survive and withstand
Human qualities like love, ethics & kindness,
Money & Ego tangles us into
Threads and threads of armpits.
Smells we can’t rid ourselves of
Because sweat from hard work & sacrifice
For a thinly surface veil only covers so little.
Because money & ego can only go so far
If we let it be the only things we go for.
spoon feed me nothing no more,
I’m not caught on some net,
unsure of how to de-tangle my feet
from standing upwards and straight.
this isn’t the highway in the middle
of who-knows-where land
or dive bars flooded with strangers
with smiling faces & mysterious intentions.
grown-up and stepped up onto the ladder
that gives me a hand as I climb
over the wall to see the waterfalls.
here I’ll rest and search a bit
for food and shelter and warmth.
as I follow along the road not traveled.
because i can’t eat without my voice.
because i can’t stay without my heart.
because i can trust in what I don’t know.
how easy it is to be happy,
if we think to. decide to.
john cusack said it right,
“why can’t you be in a good mood?
how hard is it to decide to be in a good mood
and be in a good mood once in a while?”
– Lloyd Dobler (in the film Say Anything)
this simple quote moved me.
i think of it sometimes out of the blue.
when i’m thinking of something else
doing something else and then i see john
talking with his sister and i hear this,
“how hard is it to decide?”
how many beautiful views we have seen?
of how many suns we have felt on our skin?
to touch all the textures of food, fabric, & flowers.
smelling rain, cafes, clean clothes and mom’s home cooking.
singing to feel all our insides because we know the words are true.
and swinging on the swings like the first time as a kid.
to be carefree because it’s okay to stop worrying some time.
smile and smile and smile and smile and smile
laugh so hard tears come out and your heart can’t take it
and you’re out of breathe because it is so funny.
or the feeling of calm in the morning on a weekend
& drink the warm tea & hot chocolate & indulge just because.
to speak with friends and family and know you’re not alone
or to be alone knowing who you are & where you’ve been.
rejoice, because it’s a good time to do so.
it always is.
an epiphany appears suddenly,
so naturally it melts itself onto my skin,
inside my veins, pumping through my organs.
naturally, like laughing without thought
or closing my eyes when I am tired.
excitement and happiness swirls together
like vanilla and strawberry ice-cream on a cone.
they coalesce into one delicious treat
as the sun shines on them as if nothing has changed.
but everything has and the world feels more complete.
listening to your inner voice
carrying home wherever you go
piecing your history in a moving vehicle
perceiving reality through an objective lens,
nurturing your soul through home cooked meals
while you detangle your thoughts
on a 8.5 x 11 piece of paper, naturally.
I’m drinking warm tea now. The heat trapped in between the water molecules quickly faded as I moved the tea bag back and forth in the cup. Lemon-flavored. It’s so cold now. Of course it is. Yet for some reason, I always let time catch me. I’m never ahead of it, although, I’ve tried a million times. Like on days in which I’ll browse a bookstore and let myself dream for a while. Be a new person who likes looking at travel books, skimming the pages of information about countries I never thought of ever visiting. But somehow, I did today. It makes me feel better being caught in between moments. Makes me feel so fortunate to have the ability and time to just do this. Gratitude sneaks up on me and I’m glad it does. It brings me back to reality that we are alive! No matter what, there is that.
A poem I wrote two years ago, “tea” (originally published here on November 2, 2014)
Water rapidly boil,
Kettle yells for its presence.
Cupping my mug
With both hands.
The warm aroma lifts up to the tip of my nose.
Feeling the soothing warmth
On my fingertips
Cinnamon, ginger along my tongue
and down my throat
Feeling the heat
In my heart.
what caught my eye
were the city lights,
loud, buzzed night walkers
trying to grab a taxi
while we searched for
a place to camouflage into.
to sit by the water fountain
play penny wishes
under the full moon.
chatting and laughing,
time flew by and we ran
catching the last train home.
when darkness and cold nights arrive,
we feel warmth from the light,
under a streetlight, in our beds,
in the shower or deep contemplation.
continue to be the good of you.
continue to be the beauty of you.
a love so strong
tides and floods,
battles and loss
can never defeat.
love that renews
over and over
not even close
if ever lost,
a thousand moments
will be dedicated
to rebuild a love
A man stood waiting
For the traffic light to change.
He wanted to cross over
Toward a dream he had when he was a child.
“When will this light change,” he wondered?
Many moments have passed him by.
People on the other side were crossing;
He looked up and a sign appeared.
It said, one day is this way.
If only he had known this;
Forego the traffic light;
there was no need to wait.
“Look at situations from all angles and you will become more open.” – Dalai Lama
Organized my closet the other day,
Your navy sweatshirt was hung up at the very back.
I was a little surprised to see this here, right now.
Wondered if you remembered;
If you wanted it back or if you didn’t care at all.
Smelled the shoulder of it and you’re no longer there.
It’s been washed a couple of times since…
You gave this to me to wear. I didn’t have my own
In your room and mine was back at my room.
Without realizing this, I took this from you.
I took this from you and you didn’t mention it at all.
Tried it on today and it felt strange, but comfortable.
I’ll wear this around in this apartment, but never outside.
It’s a little too worn out and it doesn’t fit my style anymore.
“Live like the water,”
Wise folks tell in their stories.
Every day, the water comes in & out.
Every day, the water flows down & up.
Every day, the water moves through.
I will live like water,
As this is the only way life is lived.